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ladybusinessI haven't been reading a ton of short fiction lately. As someone who is known at least in part for my short fiction recommendations, this seems less than ideal. I did a short fiction reading challenge in July, but before that I’d read barely any 2019 works. Since then, I’ve been trying to read a small number of stories online every month. But it's so much less than I used to read. I still love short SFF, and I know we are living in an amazing time for it. There’s so much diverse, creative, wonderful short SFF being published right now—much of it free to read online.
But the fact that there’s so much might be part of my problem. I can’t keep up. I could never keep up, so I don’t know why this is a problem now. But it's been feeling more overwhelming this year than it was last year. Maybe it's that I have more other stuff on my plate. However, it's also my emotional needs in the last few years.
The other reason that vastness of short SFF is a problem is that I find it hard to know what I’m going to get tone wise before I start a story. This is something that I used to love about reading short SFF but lately dark, bleak, and scary stories have been hitting me harder. I’ve been protecting myself for these kinds of stories. And I’ve been seeking silly, fluffy, and cozy stories. Lighthearted stories. And in the current short SFF scene it's hard to know before you start what you are going to get.
Strange Horizons has my back and has started putting content warnings on all of their stories. I love them for this, but the truth is what happens is that I read the warnings, think, "I'm not up for any of that right now". Then I don’t read the story.
I need to be reminded that the world is full of beautiful places—that kind and caring people exist. I need stories where people take care of each other. I know other people need different things. That some people find what I find bleak fiction to be hopeful or what I find dark others find cathartic. I don’t want to limit the emotional range of fiction. I want to limit what I personally read for my own well-being.
People keep insisting that to be a good person, one must not look away from the hard things in the world. One must know all the news, all the history, and watch all the painful TV. And if that’s what it takes to be a good person, than I will never be good. I just can’t keep looking at the darkness and not despairing to the point where I become useless. It's a lot to ask of anyone. The emotional burden of being alive in this time and place is a lot. I desperately need cozy fiction to help remember that the world is more than the horrible things.
I do feel guilty about my unwillingness to read darker things. I’ve read a lot of discussion about how it is important to engage with the darker side of humanity in fiction and how marginalized writers should talk about their hard experiences in their fiction. But the world is messed up already. I want to escape and imagine better places and be reminded of the good parts of humanity—why people are worth fighting for.
Cozy fiction tends to focus on the domestic. I love seeing models of care-taking, imagining love and warmth and good food. I crave stories about people solving problems without violence, and stories about forming communities. These stories help me imagine that I can use the skills that I have to mend the world. Reading darker, harder, more "realistic" stories adds to the sense of helplessness that I feel about the state of the world. Especially dark science fiction feels a bit like giving up on the future. So for me reading cozy fiction is a way of warding off despair.
I’m trying to find a balance between my need for cozy fiction, to know what I’m getting into, and my desire to read all the great new short SFF. But I haven’t found it yet. Instead, I mostly feel guilty for not keeping up and for looking away. I don’t have a good message to end this on. I’m trying to take care of myself and others and be a good person.
It's hard.
But the fact that there’s so much might be part of my problem. I can’t keep up. I could never keep up, so I don’t know why this is a problem now. But it's been feeling more overwhelming this year than it was last year. Maybe it's that I have more other stuff on my plate. However, it's also my emotional needs in the last few years.
The other reason that vastness of short SFF is a problem is that I find it hard to know what I’m going to get tone wise before I start a story. This is something that I used to love about reading short SFF but lately dark, bleak, and scary stories have been hitting me harder. I’ve been protecting myself for these kinds of stories. And I’ve been seeking silly, fluffy, and cozy stories. Lighthearted stories. And in the current short SFF scene it's hard to know before you start what you are going to get.
Strange Horizons has my back and has started putting content warnings on all of their stories. I love them for this, but the truth is what happens is that I read the warnings, think, "I'm not up for any of that right now". Then I don’t read the story.
I need to be reminded that the world is full of beautiful places—that kind and caring people exist. I need stories where people take care of each other. I know other people need different things. That some people find what I find bleak fiction to be hopeful or what I find dark others find cathartic. I don’t want to limit the emotional range of fiction. I want to limit what I personally read for my own well-being.
People keep insisting that to be a good person, one must not look away from the hard things in the world. One must know all the news, all the history, and watch all the painful TV. And if that’s what it takes to be a good person, than I will never be good. I just can’t keep looking at the darkness and not despairing to the point where I become useless. It's a lot to ask of anyone. The emotional burden of being alive in this time and place is a lot. I desperately need cozy fiction to help remember that the world is more than the horrible things.
I do feel guilty about my unwillingness to read darker things. I’ve read a lot of discussion about how it is important to engage with the darker side of humanity in fiction and how marginalized writers should talk about their hard experiences in their fiction. But the world is messed up already. I want to escape and imagine better places and be reminded of the good parts of humanity—why people are worth fighting for.
Cozy fiction tends to focus on the domestic. I love seeing models of care-taking, imagining love and warmth and good food. I crave stories about people solving problems without violence, and stories about forming communities. These stories help me imagine that I can use the skills that I have to mend the world. Reading darker, harder, more "realistic" stories adds to the sense of helplessness that I feel about the state of the world. Especially dark science fiction feels a bit like giving up on the future. So for me reading cozy fiction is a way of warding off despair.
I’m trying to find a balance between my need for cozy fiction, to know what I’m getting into, and my desire to read all the great new short SFF. But I haven’t found it yet. Instead, I mostly feel guilty for not keeping up and for looking away. I don’t have a good message to end this on. I’m trying to take care of myself and others and be a good person.
It's hard.
★forestofglory.
no subject
Date: 2019-12-03 04:14 am (UTC)Frankly, that's one of the reasons I don't bother with much commercial short fiction--I don't know what I'm getting into, and surprise!"rocks fall, everyone dies" is not my cuppa breakfast tea. (I still dislike Joanna Russ's "We Who Are About To..." for clobbering me with that. I learned to avoid classic Russian fiction for the same reason.)
Why on earth would you feel guilty for avoiding fiction that's bad for your mental health? That's like feeling guilty for not lifting weights while you have a torn tendon. If I want to "engage with the dark side of humanity", I just have to read the news. If I want to "engage with the dark side of 'humanity'" and have fun with it, I read fanfiction about sociopathic giant robots that turn into jet planes.
no subject
Date: 2019-12-03 07:04 am (UTC)Thanks for writing this post.
no subject
Date: 2019-12-03 07:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-12-03 09:57 pm (UTC)This is what I feel a lot. And I don't know what to do about it. (I know what I am doing: I am not engaging with content that would leave me feeling sick and drained and shaky.)
no subject
Date: 2019-12-03 10:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-12-04 02:25 am (UTC)I encounter this feeling too and the guilt that comes with not doing so. But like you, I've found that it is just too much for my mental and emotional health. I think part of it, for me, is that I become intensely engaged in what I read/watch. I don't think this is the case for everyone. For example, I don't think my mother gets as absorbed in books or tv as I do, and I therefore reading/watching negative things affects her less. But for me, it's just too much and pulls me into a depressed/anxious mood.
So don't feel badly about it! You do not have to be aware of every bad thing in order to do good things and be a good person.
no subject
Date: 2019-12-04 02:51 pm (UTC)I think that we collectively need to know the horrible details. And I think that each of us needs to know the broad-strokes outlines of some of the major ones. But I don't think that every single one of us needs to know every single detail of every single horror, in order to be a good person--and in fact I think we have evidence that some of the people who do know lots of the details go ahead and are not good people. So...please give yourself permission to carry only some of the knowledge of the world's evils. Let other people around you carry other parts. That doesn't make you a bad person.